As a fat woman, Ive experienced the extreme shallowness that exists in our society. Im speaking from years of experience, and believe me when I say: Im fat. I often mention that Im fat to my students and they usually reply, Youre not fat! I laugh because I know Im fat, and thats ok. If youre wondering why I havent done anything about it, I have! Unless youve been fat before, i.e. 50 or more pounds overweight, you dont have a clue as to how difficult it is to lose that much weight. Ive lost 100 pounds before, but due to the fact that I am a stress eater living a stress-filled life, I have gained it back plus more.
However, just because Im fat doesnt mean that Im totally unattractiveat least not in my eyes! Ive been told many times, Youre pretty. Yes, I know I have a pretty face. And, yes, I always take care of myself by waxing, getting pedicures and manicures, etc. This doesnt change the fact that, according to our society, being fat means you are ugly.
Men certainly do not find fat women attractive. The excuse I have heard my entire life is that they are visual creatures. Then men wonder why they cant find a nice girl who will be their confidante or best friend and more. You cant find someone like that if you are constantly judging a woman on her weight before considering her other qualities. Give the fat girls a chance! We may have extra cushioning, but we can do everything the skinny or average woman canmaybe even better.
I dont want to generalize fat or thin women, but I find that fat women often have more of an appreciation for food. Go figure! Most men also have an appreciation for food. Youve heard the saying, The fastest way to a mans heart is through his stomach? I think this is true. Every man Ive dated has appreciated my amazing baking and cooking skills, and if you asked them what they miss about me, they would probably first say, Her tacos and burritos. Well, you would think maybe this would keep them, but sometimes life doesnt turn out the way you would imagine.
All I know is that men need to change their perception of fat women and give us a chance. Men need to stop being so obsessed with looks and dig deeper into who a person is. I recently joined an online dating site, and so far all Ive attracted are men my fathers age or older. Yuck. I think you are much more compatible with someone within a few years of your own age. Maybe thats my own shallowness rearing its ugly head! But my takeaway from this online dating situation is that it proves to me that men just dont like fat women.
Just to prove this theory of mine, I posted pictures of myself when I was not so fat. The elephant in the room is the statement I make in the What are your personal goals section. I state that Im overweight and one of my personal goals is to lose weight and get healthy. This is what men read before they run!!!! If youre a man, stop acting as if youve never done this. Face the truth and stop blinding yourself. You are shallow!
To make things worse, the site I joined is a Christian dating site, and I thought Christian men would be less shallow. Goes to show you that being a Christian doesnt impact a persons shallowness. This is quite depressing to me as a Christian myself.
Before I end this Hub, I do have to mention that I did get a man who wasnt my fathers age send me some instant messages! Yes, I thought, someone is interested in me for more than my looks.
I think the solution to meeting a man is to either lose weight or give up on men and become a nun or lesbian.
Sorry if youve heard it before, but its true. If confidence doesnt come naturally, just recall some of the women who are heavy and beautiful. Adele, Queen Latifah, Kristie Ashley, Aretha Franklin, Dascha Polanco, and Missy Elliot, just to name a few. Channel any or all of these divas. If you need help seeing more models that look like yourself, check out the blogs such asThe Curvy FashionistaorFuck Yeah Chubby Fashion!. Last but not least, practice self acceptance. That critical voice in the back of your head? Turn it off. Be gentle with yourself over any mistakes, and never lose sight of the things about your life you love.
The second most important piece of advice is to maintain your perspective. A real perspective, not one propagated by the media. According to the CDC, over 1/3 of Americans are obese. The average weight for women is 166 pounds and the average waist of a woman is 37.5a size 18. This is theaverage, which means that a good number of people are above that. Does this mean that 1/3 of Americans never find love, or that the American woman of average weight or above is doomed to spinsterhood? The answer is of course not. They find a way to happinessits just not advertised on television and in magazines. So will you.
I sometimes file this under maintaining perspective. Dont take weirdos personally, especially online. If you are hanging out on the subway or at the airport, what percentage of the men that you see would you want to date? Definitely less than one out of ten. So dont begin examining your self worth when any of the other nine out of ten talk to you. Ignore them and keep meeting new people. On the flip side, dont take rejection personally. Again, keep perspective, and follow the same protocolignore them and keep meeting new people.
The first battle to fight is internal. Believe me, I know the hardship of battling through weirdos without becoming a nun. Remember: you are not in the minority, and divas come in all sizes.
The Alpha Females Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works
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So because youre fat, men have to change and date you. You dictate to men its their problem if they dont find you attractive, that they have to change and force themselves to find fat women appealing as a sexual partner/potential wife.
Wow. Maybe its not your being fat that is keeping men away from you.
I think your kidding yourself. I was over weight and women found me less atractive then when I was fit. That is the way it was. I decided having a chance to date more attractive, healthy and in shape women is what I desired. So, I had to walk the walk. I changed my diet and exercised even when I was sore and tired. I still do almost everyday.
If you find a guy who does not mind the weight then great. I know there is more to a woman then looks. But dont kid yourself. Women start with the looks before they consider most other qualities. That is the way it is and the way it will always be.
I have heard this before from fat women. He should love me for who I am. Your right ! If that guy doies not mind a fat women then great but dont expect a man who respects his health and willing to stay in shape to want to date a fat women. In most cases he wont.
This comment section literally restored my faith in humanity.
All I know is that men need to change their perception of fat women and give us a chance.
Why do I need to give any fat women a chance? I like what I like, and fat isnt it. I choose a partner based on what I want, and not on what YOU need. You are not entitled to any mans attention.
The very funny thing is that most women nowadays really believe that theyre better than anyone else, and most of them are very obese since they really think theyre so gorgeous too. They have the worst attitude problem and no manners at all when it comes to men. And they have such a very incredible big list of demands when finding a man. Men must have a full head of hair with no baldness, be very good looking, very excellent shape with no body fat, a very great career making a six figure salary, own a million dollar home, and drive a very expensive fancy car as well. That is quite a list of demands they have for us men now considering that most of these women are real golddiggers to begin with, and not all that attractive as they think they really are. And they have the nerve to insult many of us men too. These women need to just get a cat for a pet and grow old all alone with it. And then they wonder why so many of us good men are still single today.
So, if a fat guy wanted to date you, youd be totally open to it? Remember….he may be a good person with many interest and hobbies, a good job, and overall gentleman. Looks are shallow!
Stop asking men to like what they dont..stop with this fat n like beauty..they have been created this way..what you are asking is not a man..its an angel..yes some fat women are nice but some are not..yes some merely fat women are pretty but most of fat women are not pretty because fat does harm the body and the face. As an ugly yet fit woman I dont criticize men just because they dont want me..rejecting a woman for a few extra pounds is shallow..not being attracted to fat women is not.
I find a lot of my fianc middle aged friends are looking at women half their age and way out of their league. It would totally make sense if they either were just as attractive or had money but when you dont have either try dating women your age about your size and within your league instead of mopping around sulking. My fianc is funny, driven and is not the hottest but his love for me and personality are out of this world. I just feel bad when I say I have a friend who would be perfect for his friend and the first thing he ask is how does she look cause his friends only date thin women who look half their age.
Ive lost 100 pounds before, but due to the fact that I am a stress eater living a stress-filled life, I have gained it back plus more.
You could say I am fairly muscular ripped guy with really bad genetics (i would get fat intantly if i souldnt be eating right and i love food) these are just lazy ass excuses.And If youre weak minded and cant face your own stress without eating like a pig then youre not gonna be interesting to us not even from the inside.
All I know is that men need to change their perception of fat women and give us a chance….lol, so there are two options…one is for MEN TO CHANGE WHAT WE LIKE and second is for you to stop eating hamburgers. Yea right.
Perhaps you should stop blaming everyone else for not beeign attracted to you and rather work on yourself.
Would I avoid dating a chick just beacuse shes fat? Absolutely, I dont find that shit attractive and since I am taking care of myself why should my expectations for a girl be any lower?
Men cant help who they find attractive any more than I can help which guys Im attracted to. I dont find overweight men attractive. I am happy to have overweight male friends, but jumping into bed with them is a whole different story and most people consider sex an important part of a relationship. I make an effort to stay slim and healthy (more effort than most, as I have a broken thyroid), so I expect the same of a potential partner. I dont think it is an unreasonable expectation to be physically attracted to a man I want to share a bed with. I dont expect a six pack or a model face, but having enough self discipline to stay slim and healthy is a basic requirement for me. I dont think its right to shame people for not wanting to sleep with people that are not attracted to. I wouldnt shame a gay man for not being attracted to women or shame a 20 year old for not being attracted to a 60 year old. The chemistry is either there or it isnt.
While I dont think being rude is a good way, but acting like people HAVE to be attracted to a certain demographic is a bad and destructive idea. Women shouldnt be forced to date fat men, nor should men be forced to date fat women. While yes people can be shallow and love in general is very problematic, this isnt a healthy thinking of forcing people to love another group. How would homosexuals feel if they were pressured by someone to love someone they didnt? This is the problem with that idea of all bodies are beautiful.
You ARE worth something – now and always. Society is a strange thing. If one studies history, thin women were thought to be ugly at one time while the women with more padding were seen as attractive because they were affluent. I know plenty of people that exercise and eat right and are not supermodel thin. Science has taught us that genetics play a part in ones weight, hormones play a part in ones weight, and the thin have a bacteria in their gut that overweight people lack (this gut bacteria is inherited through genetics). If one is eating healthy and exercising in order to maintain their health, then who is anyone to criticize? The truth is, people choose to be cruel, and it is, for some lousy reason, acceptable in society to bully those that are fighting their own genetics (are overweight). Dont allow those that choose to be bullies to steal your happiness or your health. If you want to be loved, LOVE YOURSELF. Anyone that cannot appreciate you for exactly who you are isnt worth your time. Stay beautiful and always remember that you are.
Promise me youll always remember: Youre braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. A. A. Milne
P.S. Look up what size Marilyn Monroe was – she was voted a Most Beautiful Woman in the World.
I am a woman. I dumped an accountant and married a mechanic. The mechanic could tell me what he loved about me (besides my looks). There are some good women out there, just as there are some good men. The heartache is the journey to the two finding one another.
YES, and women dont find short minimum wage workerss with a heart of gold attractive. At least, you can put down the Twinkie.
Ill never understand why women KNOWING that they are overweight, which is bad –for their health & in the eyes of MOST men, do not do something about it. I was in good shape in High school and am within 5 lbs of the last day of school. Im a short man, witch I can do nothing about, but have ALWAYS watch my weight. I have always viewed women who are overweight as boring, unattractive, and unsexy.
Most men are attracted to women with their eyes, and if the view isnt good they pass.
Its obvious to me that the author is a female that cannot have experienced testosterone and its affect one the male perspective.
Ive seen how overweight women date, I have almost never seen an overweight women give an overweight man a chance. 270 pound women who only date thing guys or in shape guys.
Guys have no respect for boys who will jump anything.
hi i just wanted to say that you can feel as good about yourself as you want you want, but when it comes to getting good looking man that do not have big belly or to old it is your weight. some big women get hot guys but very few. that is what is happening its sad but it we as big women do have to come down some if you want a hot guy.
This entire conversation is just making me sad. I was a chubby little girl because my parents were stupid. Then an anorexic teenager because of twiggy and the vogue generation. I have been on a diet for 50 years, every time I lose 100 lbs I gain back 120. I am so sick of lazy stupid men who only want to go out and eat, drink and watch hockey then complain I spend to much time at the gym and I still have a fat ass. I spend my day at work sitting at my desk then I come home and work my ass off again taking care of everybody else only to be abused for it. I wish I could find somebody to love me, help me to live a healthy lifestyle, and stop comparing me to some skinny photoshop teenager. STOP THE ABUSE! YOU DONT KNOW ME! I AM NOT LAZY. I am hurt. I am damaged from the abuse. I am depressed because according to this conversation I am never going to be worth anything to anybody until I am skinny.
Why men arent attracted to women to fat women is irrelevant. Its innate. They arent, and forever it shall be so.
Most women want a guy 510 or better. Im 57 and 53 years old male and thinning hair.
Im simply not attracted in any way to obese women, they are no more attractive to me than a guy. Its as simple as that. I have a good fiend who is a lesbian, I dont expect her to be attracted to me, I dont get upset when she isnt.
Ill be friends with a guy, Ill be friends with a heavy women. I dont want to make out with ether.
Sorry, but I dont find fat women very interesting. Im 58 and am in better shape than virtually all obese 25-year-old women (Im not interested in anyone 20 or 30 years younger than me, by the way, regardless of their shape).
My non-work life revolves around physical activity. Fat women cant do that. I see a fat woman as someone who sits around a lot. She wont keep up with me. I spend enough time sitting around at work. I dont want to hang out with someone who spends a lot of time in the kitchen, or nibbling, or watching TV.
I also dont want the baggage that goes along with a fat woman – joint problems, heart problems, often diabetes and no end of other health problems that can even include vision problems and early dementia. As well as wondering whether the fatness is covering up a psychological problem.
Weight can be lost – I lost 40 pounds in 3 months when my doctor told me to 15 years ago and have kept it off, without crash dieting – just by eating sensibly.
I wont be cruel to you if I meet you, but I just cant imagine that wed have that much in common if youre extremely overweight.
Haha. Good one. Men will start doing that about the same time women decide to give poor men a chance. The overweight women Ive known who were great people have had no problem finding a mate. They werent focused on superficial things, as you put it (like money, status, etc.). The fat women who cant find men often think because they have some advanced degree that it entitles them to an equally successful man (or the code word they use is ambitious, which means rich). Men who have means dont want fat women, generally speaking.
Disclaimer. Im not the poor guy I mention in my hypothetical. I do fine financially and actually prefer a woman with a feminine curvy figure…curvy, not fat. Fat translates to lazy and lack of discipline. Since Im an energetic man who enjoys outdoor activities and working out, why would I want a lazy slug who sits around whining and putting on weight because shes stressed out? Do the math.
You realize youve contradicted yourself in two back-to-back sentences, right?
Men need to stop being so obsessed with looks and dig deeper into who a person is. I recently joined an online dating site, and so far all Ive attracted are men my fathers age or older. Yuck.
Also, my last girlfriend was 19 years younger than I am and the one before that was 11 years younger, so there goes the yuck on our part anyway. And, no, Im not wealthy. Not even that tall. Women just like me and its not my fault the younger ones want to spend time with me.
I love fat women! Would never date a thin/skinny girl. I love a girl that has a healthy appetite. To see her gain weight, thats such a turn-on for Me! Squeeze her fat, play with it, fondle it, is so exciting. Shake it, jiggle it, makes my heart race! Truth is, there are way more men that feel this way, that you think. Theyre afraid of what their friends and family will say. Instead of following their heart, and being happy, they give in to what were all forced to see and think. So many people are separated/divorced because of what were told is beautiful. If you think someone is beautiful, tell them! Youre the one who has to look at them at the breakfast table. If you make her feel beautiful, she will always be faithful, and love you to death!
Women avoid short men who have no money who fake their height with platform shoes,yet entitled,overvalued disney princess d-bags who are short,flat broke,who fake their height with high heels are goddesss. lol American women are wack.
Guess Im different. I absolutely love fat women. I cant get excited for a skinny/thin girl. Ive dated girls from 200, to 650 pounds. Im currently with a 325 pound girl, and want to marry her. My preference. I dont care what anyone says either. Were the ones whos happy. I love her. I love to squeeze her, and she loves when I do!
dont be deluded and NO, men dont have to change because something as ridiculous as feminism is telling you that its okay to be as big as 3 women and that manner shallow. The only reason you are alive and able to post your stupid blog enabling other fat people to live an unhealthy life is because your parents found one another attractive and more importantly suitable to work together to raise a family. It has been proven that obesity is linked to mental health issues and the fact that you are deluded and trying to delude others into believing youre beautiful and that men should accept you the way you are is proof of your mental instability. Men dont find you unattractive because they are shallow, men find you unattractive because you are fat. it is an unnatural State like everything else the proof is in the pudding
Quit scapegoating and accept responsibility for yourself, your appearance and the fact that we are all visual creatures.
You are in total denial of your addiction to food. It is amazing what lengths people will go to in order to cling to their addiction, including writing this article of nonsense. People cant help it if they arent physically attracted to someone who is obese. Being unhealthy, quite simply, is unattractive. I am and have been obese for quite sometime. Now that I have finally come to terms with my problem and accept that there is nothing wrong with the fact that I too need to be physically attracted to my partner, I have been able to summon the willpower to stop shoveling food down my gullet. The notion that a person should accept you merely for your inner beauty is bullshit.
Absolutely true. I dont care what people here say. I used to be chubby with abit of a belly and but recently lost a lot of weight n my physique n belly is in very good shape now. Like very flat belly n slim. And now, Im getting ALOT of men chasing me.. Buying flowers n cakes n stuff. I clearly see the big difference. Honestly physical attraction is a big deal. Wot I want to say to men is… If u would never dream of dating an OLD or out of shape woman, then dont expect girls to want to date an old, short or fat guy as well. As much as u like a physical attraction, we do too. Just dont understand when old grandpa type or short fat guys hit on young fit girls thinking they have a chance. Maybe u might, but think about it ,if u would not dare an OLD fat woman, we r not interested in old short fat guys too ok. So yeah the door swings both ways.
Men need to stop being so obsessed with looks and dig deeper into who a person is. I recently joined an online dating site, and so far all Ive attracted are men my fathers age or older. Yuck.
Men wont date you because youre a feminist. (Men need to feel and do what I want them to feel and do) and they are somehow superficial assholes for eliminating you on the basis of a serious health concern which is potentially an addiction (stress eating) and potentially value-based (eg active living)… and meanwhile THEY are gross for expecting a fat young woman whose mate value is lower than her peers to desire them as an older man???
Its not their fault your current results, which are based on your past and current actions, do not generate attraction.
This is a load of fucking garbage. Men, and women alike have COMPLETE right to do what they want! Look at the studies; Women are harsher on other women than men would ever hope to be! There is no controlling what you are attracted to. RESEARCH THE SCIENCE OF ATTRACTION!!!! Men and women alike are constantly sending messages to the opposite sex. Men are ALWAYS looking for fertility. Obese women send the subconscious message that their hormones are lacking, and therefore are less fertile, and henceforth LESS ATTRACTIVE!! RESEARCH!!! Im so sick of this stuck up crybaby generation saying The world will change for me. No it wont. The world is the way it is because of natural processes outside of anyones control. Wtf did you think happened? A bunch of assholes came into power and said,Were gonna make everyone less attracted to fat people because were assholes, and thats what we do. Fuck off. Who gave you the right to reach into everyones genetics and change them to how you fucking want them? The best you can do is discourage people from being jerks. But you Will NEVER change what evolution has already decided. Put ya big girl panties on, get a damn binky, and stop desiring to fuck with my DNA.
Well author, while I feel your frustration I will tell you women also dont like fat men.
Its a people thing. Its a culture thing. Its a status thing.
This is BS. All men dont need to change for you. Take responsibility for yourself.
Would you date a man who was a few inches shorter than you?
Would you date a man who had uncontrollable severe acne?
If your answer to any of these questions is no, then please stop being a hypocrite and quit whining.
I am not thin, not fat, but not what is considered ideal by media standards. I have a single fit friend that is active on the dating scene. We are the same age. Sometimes shed invite me over to evaluate the guy she was dating and being married for 13 years I didnt really mind, although I did tell her that she should go with her instinct ultimately and not my opinion solely. After meeting several dates with her, she stopped asking me. I thought nothing of it until she told me that some of her dates wouldnt stop talking or asking about me or we seemed to hit it off. A few of them were people Id consider if I were single, but I would not cheat on my husband, nor have a flirtatious conversation with a man who is not my husband. Maybe being overweight lessened the stress on the mans part to impress allowing him to talk more without feeling to much stress. Maybe the the same for me. Maybe they found me physically attractive or a combination of all. Since I wasnt trying to impress anyone I actually did inadvertantly, to the point my friend felt I was a threat. Of course people judge others first by their looks if that is what is presented first, but it doesnt necessarily mean that first impressions are the only impressions that person can walk away with. So regarding the people that are very anti-fat to the point of insulting and shaming, they would find another way to insult you (maybe not in the beginning) if you were slim and perfect. Thats the kind of people they are, most likely they are hiding something about themselves they hate and you wouldnt want to be with this kind of person anyway. Good luck on your journey, there is someone for everyone out there.
You all are hypocrite. When you cannot stop eating, it is a disease just like a drug addict. Dont you think that if we could just stop eating that we could????????? DUHHHHHHHHH! No brainer. Its not that easy. Or we all would be thin and happy. Guys are very visual creatures. That is a fact. Science. When I was thin I had guys flocking to me, when I gained weight, no guys wanted anything to do with me. By the way women are the same way. Sometimes the beauty is inside, not the outside.
I am a woman who loves fat men, a female Fat Admirer. I do agree with you though- just about any woman of any size can get a guy to have sex with her, but heavier men are not so lucky. That stinks.
Im certain that most people want someone who in their eyes is healthy…just like we want someone who is free of addictions of any other kind. But the truth is, weight matters. I wish it didnt and its not something I ever thought twice about when I was fit. We cannot help what we are attracted to. However, being this weight has actually been a blessing in disguise for me. Once I return to the weight that I had been comfortable with all my life, I will not be open to dating someone who fat shames…not because I have experienced being fat but because of the cruelty and ignorance of it. To me it would be on the same level as a woman shaming a man for being poor (but now had money)? Would you be able to trust that she would be there with you through the good and bad? Probably not. Shaming is superficial, judgmental and downright cruel but its also in someones full control which is why I will not accept it.
This blog was such an eye-opening experience for me. Im in the health field and used to be very fit and active until I had some health problems that directly impacted my weight. It has been a very strange experience to have been very fit and then the polar opposite…and the sad thing is that people treat you very differently. I spent most of my life in long term relationships, no problems getting dates and guys being crazy about me but this was all when I was fit. When my weight transitioned after my last long term relationship, the dating world was a much different world than I had remembered it. Not that I was older and now successful, but because I was fat
What a difference a thick woman or smooth, the main thing that she was from Eastern Europe. Russian women are known for their devotion and love
So much misogyny and unnecessary hatred in these comments. Sad really, but hey the net will always be the cradle of idiocy, cruelty and cowardice.
My Gawd, where do these hambeasts get the